Lookout, the fat lady is pissed!!!

You know what I hate? Whiny skinny people complaining about sitting next to fat people on the airplane.

Because you know what? However uncomfortable those 700 complainers were that United Airlines is claiming to be fighting for with their new no-fatties policy, I can guarantee the 700 fat people they were sitting next to were about ten thousand times as uncomfortable.

Oh, maybe the fatties shoulda thought of that before they gained all that weight, eh?

Here's a similar argument: Maybe poor single mothers should have just kept their legs closed so teabagger taxphobes can avoid having to pay for their children.

Maybe Arab guys should just stay out of the sun until they're pale and can pass for Jewish, and not frighten the nice white ladies so much.

Maybe gay people who wanted to get married should have just acted straight!

Look, reality tells us that, for *whatever reason* there are fat people in this world. And if you really think that being fat is *just* a sign of overeating, sill, in the meanwhile, there are fat people who will need to travel for various reasons. And unless you want to invent a time machine for fat people to travel through at security, so they can stop themselves from getting fat before they get on the plane, then fat people deserve to sit on the plane just like the tall guy whose legs splay out into the aisle, or the broad-shouldered who have to put their arms over the seat, or they crying children who are just as uncomfortable as everyone else, or the cobags who recline their seats all the way back until they're looking up the noses of the people behind them, or the people who drink on the plane and then act really annoying, or the people who deign to be Muslim and obvious about it, or whatever.

Because let's face it, like the security checkpoint dance, this is theatre. The airlines are only doing this so they can continue their fucked-up business model where they fail to charge what their service actually costs and therefore have to overbook their flights and cram as many individuals as possible into every square inch of the plane in order to compensate. Because now, instead of begging for volunteers to give up their seats on overbooked flights, they can merely just point to the nearest fat person and have them removed, to everyone's relief.

Honestly.

How uncomfortable can it possibly be to remain in contact with someone's thigh and upper arm for a few hours of your life? As uncomfortable as having to slide your kneecaps slightly out of place so your long legs will fit in the tiny space left by Reclining Joe in front of you and sitting that way for six hours? As uncomfortable as desperately twisting your hips into the inexplicably immovable arm rest of the window seat (seriously, why does the arm rest in the middle raise up, but not the ones at the aisle or window? I'd bet the majority of the space issues would be relieved if people could raise those armrests if they needed an extra inch to spread in to) until you have an armrest-shaped bruise in your flesh, just because the dude sitting next to you keeps giving you a little dirty look every time your thigh deigns to brush his?

Please, 700 skinny whiny plane passengers, realize, you're being played. Your disgust at the existence of fat people is being used by the airline industry to hide their shady business practices. Soon, they'll shrink the seats even more and the only people comfortable will be Kate Moss and/or eleven year-olds. Don't come crying to me when that happens.

Also, airlines, YOUR FUCKING SEATS ARE TOO FUCKING SMALL AND PACKED TOO FUCKING TIGHTLY.

Rant over.

Totally Awesome

I thought this was cute. Also, I want that dress Joy Nash is wearing.

I wish I could make my mom sit down and watch every Joy Nash video on the internet. Every time I talk to her she insists I'm secretly dying of diabetes and won't admit it because I'm punishing her for being a bad mother.

Honest. She wants me to go on the Dr. Phil show with her. I'm half tempted.

What is it with this show?

I'm talking about the talent show "Britian's Got Talent."

Apparently Britain is populated by unassuming schlubs with amazing singing voices. I'm probably the last person on the internet to hear of Susan Boyle. But damn! Way to make me crack my jaded cynical facade!

Of course, we all remember Paul Potts. I've watched this clip literally a trillion times, and still get choked up.

What do we have to offer in return? A hot lady who shoots arrows with her feet. Which is makes me want to cry in a different way.

Happy chocolate egg eating day

Remember kids, Jesus died for your sins.

Lol...teabagging...lol

OMG. My face hurts from laughing.

NSFW explanation for those more pure of form than I:



Seriously, lol.

Don't worry, Republicans. Just breathe through your collective noses.

Dancing with the Abbies

As you might have noticed, I have a paper to finish this morning, and am procrastinating like a mofo.

Oh those backwards Canadians!

Did the lack of US-style medical care kill Natasha Richardson?

No, probably not.

But without a doubt, the lack of Canadian-style medical care certainly killed Deamonte Driver and who knows how many other Americans.

So STFU. And mebbe DIAF.

Childhood

When I watched this movie trailer I was seized with such an immediate nostalgia and longing for my own late 70s/early 80s childhood that I teared up a little. It looks awesome!

Home again!

Yay! Now I'm gorging on non-hospital food and am going to sleep for 29
hours.

Living it up

I think Abbie is starting to appreciate all the attention a little *too*
much.

Still in hospital

But feeling much better. Probably will be here at least for the
weekend. Thank you for all the well wishes.

My Abbie.

In the Pediatric ICU. No words.

Music history test tonight

I really don't have a head for this stuff. I don't know my ostinato from my oratorio, my concertos from my cantatas.

In honor of my lackluster effort in studying for this, here's some of the music pieces I'm supposed to know.

Dido's Lament, sung by Jessye Norman. This brought me to tears when we listened to it in class. I'm such a girl.


Vivaldi's Spring, which makes me think of the scene in every rom-com ever made where they girl is about to marry the wrong guy at the beginning of the movie, and this is the music they have playing at the wedding.


Mozart's Eine kleine Nachtmusik, which makes me think of foofy, beautiful people in wigs and amazing clothes taking way too long getting ready for a fun night out partying.


I also need to know some Bach, whom I find way too organized. Fugues trigger my latent OCD. Wish me luck.

Kids Movies

So, as much as I love Kung Fu Panda, I'm tired of watching it over and over again. I decided to reach back to my childhood memories and make Abbie watch movies I liked as a kid. Recently we tried Annie and The Black Stallion, two movies I loved loved loved as a kid. Annie she adored, mostly I think because it's easy to replace "Annie" in the song lyrics for "Abbie." (In fact, she's been running around all week going, "Lets go to the mov-ies, Abbie, yooooou and meeee!") The Black Stallion I think she got bored with. Might be better for older kids.


And honestly, watching Annieagain after all these years, I kind of think the child Vanessa unconsciously absorbed a lot of this movie. I was watching it going, hmm...scrappy street urchin who hates chores and likes going to the movies? Dude, this movie is totally about me. And do I secretly want her big red cardigan? Yes, I do.

Also, it's stuck in my head, now it's stuck in yours!


Definitely some jokes in this one I didn't get as a kid.

Carol Burnett brings the hilarity. "I guess I'll never know the feeling, of running fingers through your HAIR!" Lol.

Also, no 80s movie is complete without racist stereotypes. Check out Punjab and the Asp.

Isn't that the dude from the 7up commercial?

Anyway, blogtopia, I thought I'd ask, any long-forgotten childhood movies you think deserve a rediscovering at Casa Vanessa?

Go watch this rightnow!

Sita Sings the Blues is available for free online in it's entirety.

You must check this movie out. It's, I think, the best movie I've seen in a bit. Here's Roger Ebert talking about it.

Really, it's that awesome. And free. Just go watch it already.