Sunday, October 19, 2008

Do be do be doooo....

So, here I am, one at, oh, one fourth page into a ten-page paper, and I'm procrastinating.

I have writer's block. Biiiig time. So, I'm trying to use blogging to snake out my brain.

How is everyone, lately?

I'm feeling kind of, well, weird lately. I think the election is distracting me from my studies, to be honest. I've been trying to get a crack into this paper for a week now, and every time I do I just find I've been refreshing this website for an hour and then Abbie wakes up from her nap or it's time to go to bed or to work or something else happens, and I haven't been able to get anything done.

You see, I'm so confused. It seems like my country, my America that I've had a love/hate relationship with my entire adult life, is about to do something that I'd honestly never thought I'd see in my lifetime.

I think you know what I'm talking about. It makes me kind of...warm and fuzzy inside. It doesn't help that Abbie recently can't fall asleep without making me play this song on YouTube.

The Gen X cynic in me tries really hard, but it's difficult to feel jaded while rocking your two-year old to sleep while hearing "We can chaaaange the wooorld" sung over and over again.

And yet, and yet. Things like this scare me.

Oddly enough I've said this several times in the past eight years, but when Pat Buchanan sounds measured and reasonable compared to you, then you're fucking scary. And this woman, this fascist, was elected to office. (Incidentally, check this out.) Fucking scary. And then there's these people.

I really wish these people would wear t-shirts or signs or armbands or something so that if I saw them coming I could cross to the other side of the street. People these unashamedly racist make me paranoid. I wind up peering at every white, older person I see with a quizzical eye thinking, "Are you the person here who thinks brown people are inferior? Are you? Is it you?" Please, just tell me straight out. That way I know and can run away, screaming and pointing.

I'm stuck between fearing for the future of my daughter, having to grow up in a nation infested with this close-minded culture, and proud and amazed at the step that nation is apparently about to take.

We'll see, I guess. Now back to the paper!

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