Fear the pale-skinned foreigners and their strange, European ways

Pain be damned! I'm blogging today!

A few days ago, USA Today, of all places, explained why Michelle Malkin's and Annie Jacobsen's desire to see all dusky young males harassed at airports is a really stupid one. Al-Qaida, seeing the American public's passionate desire to paint terrorist threat only in Middle-Eastern Male colors, has begun to recruit from places like Bosnia and Chechnya. You know, where white people live. It seems that even Caucasians are capable of hating America.

To avoid the intense scrutiny on travelers from certain Middle Eastern countries, al-Qaida is believed to be using operatives from Chechnya, Bosnia and, when possible, Western Europe. Not all are Arab, and not all are men. All are thought to be Muslim, but a few have pretended to convert to Christianity to deepen their cover, the senior intelligence official said.

Hopefully our National Security forces are smarter than fantastically blockheaded pundits like Malkin otherwise I'm sure we're all in danger. While security forces are busy making young Arab men take off their shoes and give up the tweezers in their carry-on bags, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Chechens with a bible under their arm will be planning out the next 9/11.

Next time I get on a plane, I am definitely going to closely watch the activities of every white "Christian" guy on the plane. I will note how many times they went to the bathroom and whether or not the rhythm of their breathing is deep enough. Then, I am going to write a bunch of articles as to why the safety of innocent, brown-skinned, patriotic Americans like myself is being threatened to avoid bruising the egos of these Europeans.

After all, if they're innocent, won't they have nothing to hide? Europeans in this country have lived so well, surely they won't mind taking one for the team in order to preserve my own peace of mind. White people claiming to be Christians are planning attacks on America, so what choice do we have but to question every white Christian in order to protect ourselves?

In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic.

Salon's "Ask the Pilot" guy also has a good column on the subject, in which this excellent point is made.

"Whether or not profiling is racist is irrelevant," says Stanley J. Alluisi, a professor at the Aviation Sciences Institute, Southeastern Oklahoma State University. "More to the point, it's an inefficient use of resources and unlikely to produce good results. Without an extremely specific set of data upon which to build a profile, it would tag so many people as to be useless. Keeping a lookout for 'Middle Eastern men' doesn't help and actually hurts by wasting resources."

"If security authorities are told to look closely at Middle Eastern males," adds Johnson, the military intelligence officer, "then someday the threat will show up as female and Caucasian. In the anti-terrorism business, routine is weakness. The Israelis began successfully profiling suicide bombers as young males, so the Palestinians started sending females and middle-aged men. The first few got through."

All of this seems very much on the common-sense side of thought to me, but not to the breathlessly paranoid Ms. Jacobsen, whose latest column can be read here.

Jacobsen is, of course, Caucasian and from a highly Christian culture, and we know these people are planning an attack on America that could come at any moment. So make sure to keep an eye out for her or her type at airports everywhere.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to take 1800 milligrams of ibuprophen and wrap my wrist and elbow in a cold compress. Cubital tunnel surgery, here I come!