I just took a long, hot shower. I even clipped my long-neglected toenails. And I found myself, in the early morning before NG woke up, pretending that I didn't have a baby.This sounds ridiculously normal to me (also mother to an 8-month-old), like something a fake TV mom might do in an ad for Herbal Essence shampoo or something. It's not like she said she cursed herself for making a stupid mistake and ruining her life while holding a shrieking 6 week old (that was me), or left the baby overnight at grandpa's house, then went out dancing and pretending she didn't have a baby (that was me too).
Is that evil? Am I going to Mommy Hell for this one?
It is a relatively new thought - spending a little while, once in a while, imagining that I am unencumbered by a baby. I'm not saying that I forget I have a child and then fail to lock the safety gate at the top of the stairs. This isn't an act that is directly endangering my baby.
I just wake up some mornings and try to recapture the feeling when I didn't have to suddenly rush getting ready so I can be halfway put together and maybe even clean before baby wakes up. Standing in a hot shower for more than 2 minutes, getting to wash my hair, standing there quietly hearing nothing but the rushing water, I pretend I don't have a baby, and a feeling of relaxation flows through me.
Anyone who doesn't feel this way once or twice while parenting an infant (let alone sneaking a few minutes alone in the shower, for chrissake) is either lying or filled with so much pent-up emotion that they're headed for a nervous breakdown.
Or, as I suspect is the case for this anonymous commenter, they don't actually have children.
I have to admit that I was shocked when I read your post. I have been following your blog for a long time and today I am choosing to no longer read it. I am so sad that you aren't enjoying your daughter after your long struggle to have her. I feel sorry for her and for you... some day you will look back on this time with your daughter and realize you missed so much. Good luck to you. I hope you learn how to be grateful and happy.And yet again the message to women everywhere, but especially mothers, is Shut Up And Be Grateful! You Don't Know How Good You Have It!
Well, as a woman who not only knows how good I have it but also all the seriously hard work I put into it, fuck you. And if you don't like the fact that sometimes women need a break, that we can't be bright and cheery and super-cheerful 24-7, then fuck you some more.
I know that's not a particular articulate response, but it made me quite angry.